Efren Paredes, Jr. Discusses His Future and Fatherhood

by Carlos Vicario

The following is the first installment of an exclusive interview with Efren Paredes, Jr. exploring a broad range of issues regarding his personal life, opinions, and experiences incarcerated in Michigan prisons the past 30 years since age 15.

Carlos Vicario (CV): In 2012 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that mandatory life without parole (“LWOP”) sentences for juvenile offenders is unconstitutional and ordered the resentencing of all the youths in the nation impacted by its ruling. The high court also stated that only prisoners who are incorrigible or incapable of change are eligible to receive a LWOP sentence when resentenced.

Prisoners convicted of crimes when they were juveniles who demonstrate evidence of change or the capacity for change are entitled to receive a term-of-year sentence affording them a meaningful opportunity for release. You fit overwhelmingly into the latter category. Given this reality, what are your plans if you receive a term-of-year sentence when you return to court in 2019?

Efren Paredes, Jr. (EPJ): My primary goal is to successfully complete any and all of the terms of my parole conditions. I recognize that failure to do so will prevent me from pursuing any other goals I have. Too often, I believe people released from prison lose sight of the importance of this, and become distracted with competing interests that become barriers to their success.

Next, I want to become employed, and I have a range of options I can explore in this regard. My short-term goal is to be gainfully employed to make enough money to help sustain my family. My long-term goal is to become a small business owner and/or found an organization to assist at-risk youth and children of incarcerated parents.

Helping to create a youth development board in my community and in other areas of the state is something that interests me very much as well. Not only is it something positive that helps make communities safer, it is especially important for children in helping them avoid incarceration. I have studied the efforts of youth development boards in other states and I know how helpful they can be in our state as well.

I want to also spend time with my family and be the best father I can to my young daughter. This includes helping my wife who has had the huge responsibility of raising a family on her own for several years. She can use my help maintaining our home, raising our daughter, paying bills, and fulfilling other responsibilities that come along with being a father and husband.

CV: What are some of your plans to foster your daughter’s growth and development?

EPJ: Some of the things I look forward to doing include taking her to and picking her up from school, helping her with homework, participating in her parent-teacher conferences, attending her soccer games, etc. It is important to me that I be actively involved as many aspects of her life as much as possible.

I want to expose my daughter not only to the good things in life but also the less fortunate. In addition to taking her to explore museums, libraries, university campuses, and the wonder of nature, that also means accompanying her to visit homeless shelters, migrant farmworkers, and underserved communities.

Since my daughter loves strawberries I want to plant a small garden of them in our backyard for her. That way I can teach her to nourish the fledgling plants to maturity until they yield her favorite berry. I think it will be a great way to help her appreciate the import of gardening, caring for the environment, and growing her own organic produce.

My goals also include saving enough money each year for her to attend as many camps as she can every Summer break from school. I know Summer is a time she will have a lot of time on her hands and I want to help her use it wisely by providing a variety of new and rich learning experiences

My daughter recently received an award for learning the basics of computer coding. She is excited about expanding her knowledge about the subject so I want to keep fueling her digital literacy and technological interests. I am determined to do everything I can to help her develop the skills to prepare for a successful future.

CV: What do you hope to accomplish by taking your daughter to visit homeless shelters, migrant farmworkers, and underserved communities?

EPJ: I want her to witness firsthand about human suffering and how people live in impoverished communities. I want her to understand why investing in her education, making good choices, and not squandering opportunities can make a difference in people’s lives. I also want her to learn about how we can improve other lives through service to our communities.

It is important to me that my daughter appreciate all the gifts and opportunities she receives in life and not take things for granted. When I was a child her age I didn’t get to enjoy all the opportunities she has today. She is an amazing young person with enormous potential and I want to empower her to exercise it to the best of her ability.

CV: Do you feel your daughter is developing well despite your incarceration?

EPJ: My daughter is an incredibly smart, sanguine, well-mannered child. Her mother does a wonderful job raising her and teaching her to be an amazing and compassionate young lady in my physical absence. I am able to call her, write her, and spend time with her on visits but our time is always limited. No matter how often we communicate it is never enough.

This is one of many reasons my wife is such an important figure in my daughter’s life. She is a role model to her and shares the spaces with her each day. Through her stewardship she imbues in our daughter the value of integrity and helping others. She also empowers her to help change the world with her glow rather than living in the shadows of forces that seek to marginalize her.

CV: Do you agree that most of your interests upon release appear to focus on your daughter’s future?

EPJ: Without a doubt. I want my daughter to become the best human being she can. This includes her aspiring to have lofty dreams and striving to become part of something bigger than herself. I want her to know she can do anything her male counterparts can do and that she never has to settle for second best because she is a female or proud Latina.

My daughter needs her father in her life so that other influences do not fill the vacuum in my absence. She needs the balance that comes from both her parents being a part of her daily life living under the same roof. This is even more important as a child enters their teenage years because of the challenges that accompany adolescence.

Statistics show that children of an incarcerated parent also have a greater risk of being imprisoned than children who do not have a parent behind bars. I want to be present in our home so I can do my absolute best to prevent such a possibility. It is one reason I invest so much time and effort into helping my daughter every moment I can.

I will have an amazing support system to guide and mentor me as I make my journey through life, and will be fine. I know how to ask for help and seek advice if I need it; children don’t always do that. It is my job to create an environment where she feels she can comfortably do that and not be fearful of negative criticism. It is tough growing up as a kid these days and they need all the love, positive reinforcement, and attention they can receive from their parents.

CV: What are some important lessons you have learned from parenthood?

EPJ: I think they are too numerous to list, but I will mention a few. One lesson for me has been viewing the world through the lens of a parent. When you become a parent you begin recognizing and appreciating things in life that you didn’t think about before. Once a child enters our lives they become the center of our universe.

It has also made me more empathetic and able to better understand and appreciate what other parents experience raising a child. When I was a kid I didn’t have the capacity to think about that. Being a parent compels you to recognize the gravity of being responsible for caring for the life of another human being in a way no other experience can.

Fatherhood is filled with myriad moments of meaning, joy, and wonder. I never experience a moment of contact with my daughter that doesn’t make me smile, laugh, or feel proud in some way. Even when she shares her pain and struggles with me, they become teachable moments for both of us to learn and grow.

Whether it is her telling me about becoming the first student to win the Kind Hero Award in her grade for helping a fellow student, her excitement about purchasing a unicorn frapuccino at the store because it was blended with magic, or about her anticipation waiting for a chick to hatch from its egg (in an aquarium located in her classroom) that her teacher livestreamed for students to observe from home over the weekend, her stories always warm my heart and teach me one more way to appreciate the treasures of life.

One more important lesson I have learned is how much responsibility, effort, and sacrifice it takes to raise a child. My wife allows me to vicariously have a front row seat to the struggles of parenting even in my physical absence. She expands my world every moment she shares a new parenting experience with me.

CV: You mentioned enjoying gardening. Have you been able to do any gardening in prison?

EPJ: Yes. I have been at prisons that allowed prisoners to have small personal gardens and participate in horticulture programs. I was also one of four prisoners who volunteered to assist in the upkeep of the Warden’s garden at a prison in 2017 under the tutelage of a master gardener.

We were tasked with planting and maintaining dozens of different types of flowers and vegetables which included bell peppers, onions, tomatoes, radishes, cabbage, kale, squash, beets, eggplant, and string beans. We also grew watermelons and cantaloupes. Each day we pulled weeds and airated different portions of the soil as needed. We also fertilized the soil and picked the produce when it was ready.

In the morning we would fill dozens of five gallon buckets of water from a water spigot and fill a large cart with dozens of gallons of water. We would transport over 1,000 pounds of water in the carts about 50 yards. After the transport we then manually watered all the flowers and produce using watering buckets.

We harvested over 1,000 pounds of produce which was donated to Meals on Wheels and the Center on Aging in Ionia, Michigan. It was a very positive and rewarding learning experience.

CV: What other benefits were you able to get from working in the Warden’s garden?

EPJ: Despite the daily labor, it felt great to water the seeds that were planted at the beginning of the season and watch them grow each day. It was a rewarding feeling to pick the produce and prepare it to be sent out of the prison for people experiencing food insecurity. There are millions of people struggling with food scarcity across the country who need help and I was proud to help them in a small way.

Experiencing the wonders of nature, basking in the warmth of the sun’s rays, observing animal life, and inhaling the scent of flowers and trees has numerous positive physiological benefits to our lives. For prisoners, their exposure to these things is limited and they learn to appreciate them more than when they were free citizens distracted by the rapid moving pace of their lives.

Unfortunately people in society are spending less time enjoying nature because they are tethered to smartphones, computers, and gaming systems. I am hopeful I can steer my daughter away from that disturbing trend and help her develop a deeper value, appreciation, and respect not only for our environment, but for her personal wellbeing as well.

CV: Do you ever think about visiting other states or countries as part of your travel experiences?

EPJ: I do, but not very often. I would be happy just enjoying the experience of freedom itself. I think more about being able to sit on the porch, spending time enjoying the serenity of a lake, or taking long walks and absorbing nature’s beauty than I do about visiting a vacation attraction. Just going to the store to buy the food I want would be a big deal to me.

Since the birth of my daughter, my focus has shifted to her wellbeing and future and making her my priority. Kids change your life forever. My daughter has singlehandedly altered the trajectory of my life, opened my eyes to things I didn’t see before, and reshaped my thinking in profound ways. After 30 years of incarceration you learn to appreciate the simple things in life more and not take anything for granted.

CV: How do you think being in prison or your own upbringing has shaped the way you raise your daughter?

EPJ: During my incarceration I have learned a great deal about human behavior. I have taken parenting classes, read extensively about raising children, and listened to television and public radio shows on the subject. I have also listened to the personal stories of other incarcerated fathers to learn what has and has not worked for them during their parenting experiences.

While in prison I have spent a great deal of time educating and mentoring young prisoners. Rather than shunning and demonizing them I have invested time learning about their pitfalls and struggles growing up. In the process I have remained tethered to the younger generation, earning their trust and respect. In some cases I have even been a father figure to some who weren’t raised with a father in their home.

Regrettably I do not have good memories of my biological father nor were we ever close during my childhood. My memories of him during that time are negative. My parents also divorced when I was seven years old. These events had a series of negative impacts on my life and development that I want to prevent my daughter from experiencing.

I did, however, have a wonderful mother who modeled how to raise children through her stewardship, hard work, and sacrifices. Despite being a young teenage mother she tirelessly strove to put her children first, no matter how daunting things were for us. Raising a Mexican-American child during the 1970s and ’80s was no easy task given the harsh anti-immigrant and anti-Mexican national rhetoric at the time.

My mother later remarried and, in contrast with the childhood memories of my biological father, I have fond memories of being raised by my stepfather (who I consider my father and refer to as “Dad”). He has always been a principled man who encouraged his children to be honest and emphasized the value of education. He has remained a consistently positive role model in my life to this day.

In reality, I began learning how to responsibly parent decades ago from a mother and stepfather whose wisdom, lessons, and values are my foundation. Upon that foundation I have used my life experiences, contact with other parents, and research to continue my growth as a parent.

CV: What do you tell your daughter about failure?

EPJ: I tell her not to be afraid to fail because it is a natural part of life. None of us are infallible. We are all flawed people navigating through an imperfect world. We learn when we fail or make mistakes. The things that don’t break us will make us stronger. I also tell her that we lose control of our lives when we interpret failure as defeat.

I want her to know it is important that people not be crippled by fear, because it is akin to living in a self-imposed prison. When we live in that painful space, it arrests our development and denies us the opportunity to grow. The world is a very fragile place right now because of the pressures young people feel to be perfect and do everything right for fear of shaming or bullying.

Research informs us that things like rejection, loneliness, and emotional abuse stimulate the same part of the brain that physical harm does. Science has also revealed that they can cause permanent changes in our brains. This is just one of many lessons I think are important to pass on to my daughter.

CV: You rarely talk about your daughter or family often publicly in interviews, do you care to share if there is any particular reason why?

EPJ: I do my best to shield my daughter and family from the public eye. My willingness to be interviewed doesn’t equate to them consenting to it as well. They have the right for their privacy to be respected, just as others do. Some shallow people on the Internet have a tendency to be cruel, threatening, or harassing towards others and it’s not something my family should be subjected to.

I am not bothered by people verbally attacking me on the Internet. I believe their actions say more about them than they do about me, especially those who make anonymous posts and hide behind their screens. As a father I have a responsibility to protect my family from hurtful influences and the irresponsible behavior of others.

Part 2 of this interview coming soon.

Efren Paredes, Jr. is a Michigan prisoner and subject of the new multi-channel documentary film installation, “Half Truths and Full Lies.” He is also a blogger, social justice advocate, proud father, and loving husband. You can learn more about Efren by visiting www.fb.com/Free.Efren and www.tinyurl.com/Efren1016.